A Teen's Letter to Her Mother

     Over the past week I have struggled not only with money and friends, but also with my faith. It has been very hard for me to remember that as a Christian the first place I should find myself is on my knees before my God asking for His provision. He has always provided a way before, but for some reason I seem to forget about that when I'm in fear of where the rent money is going to come from. So on that note I will share with you what happened on January 10, 2012.
    
     I had been struggling all day with my money situation. I was worrying about upcoming bills and my upcoming trip to see my aunt. As I continued in my worry I began to feel alone and depressed. I began to think of friends that I used to turn to in those times that I no longer felt I could talk to, and I was beginning to doubt if God was even hearing my thoughts and prayers anymore. I cried as I most often do and told my fourteen year old daughter that I was on the verge of giving up. Why work so hard when your not seeing any results, right? So as my daughter and I said good night and turned out all the lights I found a note on my pillow. It was folded in half and simply said "Mommy" on the front with one of Michaela's signature smiley faces. I wasn't sure at first if I wanted to read it right then or save it until the morning. I figured it would make me cry even more and that was something I had done enough of over the coarse of the day. I decided I may as well read it so maybe I could sleep easy during the night. What I wasn't prepared for was the strength my daughter was fixing to give me in a simple one page letter. With her permission I am posting this letter at hopes that it may bring you strength also. She wrote:

"Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial, because when he has stood the test, he will recieve the crown of Life that God has promised to those who love Him." James 1:12

Dear Mommy,

       God gives us tests in life to show how strong our faith is. There's nothing "more complicated" about it. God just wants to see how much you believe and put your faith in Him. I maybe just a teenager, but I've been around long enough to notice when God wants someones attention. So my advice? Pick up your Bible, read till you feel like you've read enough, or until God tells you that you have read enough. Then get down on your knees and pray with everything you have. Don't stop until God has answered your prayer. Also read 1 Peter 4:12-13.

Love you,

Kayla

     So like a good mother following a spiritual leaders advice I did just as she told me to do. I read, I prayed, I cried out to God, and then I did it all over again. And I didn't stop until I felt the hands and the arms of God holding me. I know some of you may ask how I knew it was Him. I tell you that when the hand of your Creator reaches out and holds you in that moment you know it's Him. There was nothing else in that room, but me and the Holy Spirit, and I knew it. I was sitting in a darkened warm room covered in a blanket and the most incredable feeling rushed past me enough to give me goose bumps. I have had other encounters with the Holy Spirit, and there was no mistaken that God had me there curled up in His perfect love. So it was at that time that I laid my head down, said thank you Jesus, and closed my eyes to fall asleep.

     Today has been a better day. I woke up refreshed and the first words I spoke were, "Thank you God for another day I don't deserve and another breath". I went to work as usual, had normal conversations with my co-workers, laughed some, picked my daughter up at school, and went to church to hear an awesome message. And I have done all this with a great peace surrounding me. I know that the bills are still there and the trip is still coming up, but I didn't let those thoughts consume me today. Today I just focused on that feeling of knowing that my God my Savior was with me the whole time, and He will take care of the rest. My daughter no matter how young she may be will never cease to amaze me. I know that God resides in her and gives her exactly what I need to hear when I need to hear it. I am forever greatful for that.

All of this happened because a teenager wrote me a letter........ I Love You Michaela Elizabeth!











Letting Go....

      In our lives there's always going to be heartache and pain. This can come in many forms: losing a loved one, divorce, losing a job, and letting people go, just to name a few. This past week has been full of heartache and pain not only for me, but for several people. In the middle of this whirlwind of emotions, though, I have started to find comfort in the little things. Like a smile coming from my daughter that isn't feeling so well, or a hug from my other daughter that is hurting and just as confused as I am. We have even found laughter in youtube videos by Tim Hawkins (please go check these out!).
     God never said that we would not experiance pain, hurt, or sadness in this lifetime, but He does promise that there will be no more tears when we are with Him in Heaven. That's what I'm looking forward to! He also never said that as Christians our lives would be easy. No, we will face pursecution and trials. A dear friend of mine once told me, "When the time comes are you going to remain seated with the judges, or stand with the pursecuted?" I will choose to stand no matter how scared I may be, or what people may say. This life is all about the decisions we make, and at the end of it those decisions will determine if my Father welcomes me home as a good and faithful servant, or turns me away because He never knew me. I make the choice to not only stand before my Maker as His servant, but to also be the example so that my children can do the same. "As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord" Joshua 24:15
     Here are some people who are helping us get there:

                                         My Grandmother: Inez Edwards

                                                    My Daughter: Michaela

                                             My Best Friend: Mrs. Jeri

                                                     Youth Leader Summer 2010: Clint Wren

                                    Youth Leader 2011: Jordan Rogers and his wife Julia

My First Blog

Okay so I'm not really sure what I'm going to write about yet, or even what I'm doing for that matter, but I guess it will come in time. I'm starting this blog as a way to reach more people, and share with them the things that I have either been through, or am going through. I make no promises that the person reading this will be able to identify with anything that I say, but my hope is that maybe one person will. I want to be a beacon for others that have struggled or are struggling with the same things I have. I make no excuses for the things that I have done in my past because I chose to do them, but I do not regret anything either. Those choices either right or wrong have molded me into the person I am today. I know without a shadow of a doubt that there is a God. I fully believe and trust in His will for my life. If that offends you.....good! I will talk about my God on this blog and tell of His greatness in my life. I love my family, and my friends abundantly, but no one on this earth will take the place of my children. They are the reason I get up in the morning and work so hard throughout the day. They are a part of my soul, and give me a greater reason for living. As I close this first entry I hope and pray that you will be a part of this journey with me. Please tell me what you like or don't like, or what you need help with and I will do my best to help.  Thank you for taking time out of your day to read this. May you be blessed in wherever God leads you today.

In His Hands,
Erica